I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
