why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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