if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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