i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
