so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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