But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
