Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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