I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
