hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
