3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
