My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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After tacos, we're chasing women.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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