apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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