pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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