I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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