at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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