I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
