I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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