yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
