I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Be still, my beating vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
