Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
