This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
