i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
