i just had sex bonerless
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
