His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
