I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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