is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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