this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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