i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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