My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
