here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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