you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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