1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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