I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
