Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
