i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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