Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Houston, we have a squirter
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
