I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
