i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
