would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
