someone threw a dead crab at me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
