It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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