I just gift wrapped bread.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
