He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
