Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
