i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
