3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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