WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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