This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
