I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
