Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
