Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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