Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
