I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
