girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
