you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
