everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
