Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
