If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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