On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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