so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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