is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
