I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
