Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
