Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.