She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?