i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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