I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
