Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
