she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
