omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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