So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
