u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
