Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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